The actions of divorce force men to start over, starting a new beginning,
and rebuilding of relationships with children, renewing a father’s spirituality,
and the redirection of personal priorities in life. No matter what cultural
background, maturity range, salary scale or religious conviction, divorce
can be overwhelming, demeaning, financially draining (especially if you
are proving child support and or alimony), and a emotional roller coaster that never seems to end. In Matthew 6:33 states, “..seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness..”, when searching for direction through this challenging time. The best guide is the reading of the Bible and seeking understanding of the Word. Reading and interpretation can
refocus your life, redirect your spirituality in scripture and provides comfort
Having gone through divorce it forced an understanding on what I need to
improve in myself, not focusing on the faults or shortcomings of others.
Not blaming, arguing about perceptions of right and wrong. The thoughts
and emotional turmoil of blame, anger, self-pity, shame and defeatism have
been cried over, cursed about and now distant memories, stored away in
a heart mending itself together. As a divorced father I questioned how
can I move on with my life, amplify my spirituality as a Christian man and
still be in my children’s lives being a positive force, being a role model,
and support mechanism, these are my focus points.
To achieve them
I understand that I need to be a highly involved father.
Research has shown that being an involved father can be a big source
of healing for a man and children. Men need to re-bond with their kids
to keep them motivated in fathering. This Fathers Day instead of focusing
on you refocus on the responsibilities of being a father, a man, a role model,
renewing and recharging the commitment and covenant you have with your children.
Children are a blessing from God as written in Psalm 127:3, with this knowledge, children being blessings, men/fathers have a responsibility to be a part of
children’s lives and accept them as blessings from God the heavenly father.
Children are not commodities to be traded, fought over, or bargained for.
Their well being should be placed first during time of upheaval and emotional stress.
Children do not cause divorce, but are directly affected by it. Fathers Day
is for divorced fathers because of the hard work and sacrifices that are required
to stay in children’s lives.
No one can take away that fathers are a parent and aid children’s growth
in dynamic ways. A divorced father may not physically be in the home,
but the teachings, modeling and prayers are present in children’s life. The
essence of what is shared within children. As is states in Ephesians 6:4,
“bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord”, the first responsibility
that fathers must continue is to teach sons is to be respectful in order to get respect,
the importance of education to obtain a career, provide for oneself and
family and putting God first in all they do. In being fathers in deeds and duties
sons will follow as an example of behavior.
In accordance with sons, daughters taught to be independent thinkers
and aspire to be self supportive, not leaning on being reliant on any man
to provide for them. Daughters will seek a man similar to their father’s actions,
demeanor and emotional statues even if it is self-destructive at times. Fathers
set the foundation on whom daughters will look for in a mate. Just as sons,
fathers must teach daughters who will be mothers one day to put God first in
their lives and seek Godly men. Not men who follow the latest trends in fashions,
cars and other material things which are not long lasting.
Fathers must teach their little girls that they are empowered with dreams and
aspirations to be successful and can achieve greatness.
Stated in John 10:30, “I and my father are one” Jesus makes this statement as a testimony to his father. The same holds true for fathers and their children, you are one in many ways with your children. Some of these ways are visually evident
and some ways will manifest themselves as your child matures into adulthood.
Men and fathers have obtained wisdom that we should pass on to our children. In Proverbs 4:1-27 there is discussion of wisdom, gaining it through life experiences and reading of the Word. “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom…” (Proverbs 4:7), and share it so children will not make the same mistakes as parents have. Real fathers guide their children, helping them to “deviate from the possible path of the wicked, and not go in the way of evil men (ultimate self destruction)” (Proverbs 4:14).
This Fathers Day and beyond, be the father your father may not have been to you,
be the dad that your children can be proud of and seek for guidance. Fathers this is your day to be recognized and no one can take that from you. Starting over is not easy, but the path can be peaceful, comforting and less challenging if we recognize the heavenly father first and continue to do the right thing by him and children. Sometimes doing the right thing is the hardest thing, sometimes doing the right thing is not the popular thing, sometimes doing the right thing will put us against what other people say, but at the end of the day what will our children and God say about you doing the right thing.
Divorce is not the end of fatherhood just a new beginning and an opportunity to grow, but with the proper guidance from God’s help. What legacy do you want to leave for
your children? God Bless divorced fathers, they are still fathers and dads in children’s lives, divorced fathers must stay involved and in prayer for wisdom and guidance.
William Jackson, M.Ed.